It’s been an extremely long time since I’ve written a transparent post about what’s going on in my life, so, here it goes.
To give you a brief understanding of where I’m at in life and to better comprehend the context of this piece, let me briefly update you on my life currently. Last June, I began praying about moving to the Nashville area to be closer and more involved with a missions organization here called Caleb Company. This non-profit organization teaches people about God’s heart for Israel, holding training schools on their base in a Nashville suburb, then in Israel/Middle East as part of the training. This organization has truly changed my life and has propelled me to dig deep in the roots of Christianity and to observe Messianic practices such as recognizing Shabbat (sabbath) according to how the Bible teaches us to.
So, all that to say, I moved here to the Nashville area about a month ago to be more involved and apart of what God is doing in this ministry.
I knew that it was inevitable that moving would have it’s challenges, however I knew it was where God was leading me to, so I decided to say “Yes” and embrace whatever that was going to look like. Here I am, a month into this new season, new journey and new city, and I must say, it has been one challenging month to say the least.
I knew that it was inevitable that moving would have it’s challenges, however I knew it was where God was leading me to, so I decided to say “Yes” and embrace whatever that was going to look like. Here I am, a month into this new season, new journey and new city, and I must say, it has been one challenging month to say the least.
I’ve never really been a person to have extreme anxiety, I’ve always been more of the independent, “happy-go-lucky” one. However, I’ve experienced and have been battling more anxiety this past month than I have in a very very long time. It seems as if something really stressful has happened every week since I’ve been here. Serious health issues, family situations, relationships, financial stress, learning a new city, etc. I’ve lost a significant amount of weight (for my body size) in the past month due to extreme anxiety and stress (also since i’ve been eating a lot cleaner and working out more to hep cope with the anxiety). Some mornings, I wake up and feeling anxiety the moment I’m awake, always nervous and on edge. Constantly feeling nauseous and having a hard time eating. Over thinking, not breathing but rather “surviving” and just being really fearful.
Through all of this, I have consistently seen the faithful hand of God in each situation. He is always ever so gentle and reminding me that He is always with me, always. Regardless of what I feel, He is good, He is faithful, and He truly never leaves my side. Not too long ago, I felt myself begin to have a panic attack, I ran to the kitchen, got some water and began to pray over myself. I felt God’s presence so strong, and the anxiety attack disappear. I’m saying all this to say, that things like anxiety, stress, fear, etc are all very, very real things that I think we can sometimes discredit or try to downplay. As believers, it can be hard for us to admit we struggle with these things, it can even be shameful if we admit we are struggling. I want to just publically be transparent, open and honest and say, it’s real, and it’s okay to not be okay. God doesn’t expect perfection from us, He just wants us to be real and honest about what is going on. It was when I stopped trying to act like I didn’t need His help and admitted my extreme anxiety and fear to Him that I finally felt His peace sweep over me for the first time in weeks. God knows what you’re dealing with, He isn’t ashamed of you for not trusting Him, He understands we’re human, we deal with fear. Awhile ago I was praying and basically told God, “this is my mess, I’m going to get myself out of it”. To which I felt Him reply, “Karissa, I walk through your hell WITH you, I don’t say “good luck, I’ll be here when you get out”, instead, I grab your hand and say “let’s go!” we’re in a relationship, I’m in this WITH you”. Every moment I feel anxiety and fear trying to terrorize me, I have to remind myself of His words, and His truth. I know that God isn’t “allowing” this to happen, but it happens because we live in a fallen world, and the choices made by me, and/or other people can affect us in a positive or negative way. let me be clear with this, my anxiety, stress and fear is NOT God’s fault, nor is He by any means “allowing” it to happen. He can however, turn any situation and use it for His good. It’s important to not mistaken His goodness for “allowing” something to happen. By no means am I through this battle of anxiety, in fact, this morning when I woke up I felt it. But, I know that because God is with me, I have victory in my veins and this will not conquer me. I often have to pep talk myself throughout the day, and give myself the advice I frequently give to those I talk to on the crisis hotline I work for, and that is “Everything’s going to be okay, maybe not right now, maybe not tomorrow or next week, but in time, everything’s going to be okay” and just breathe. It’s funny how when you deal with anxiety, you don’t really realize that you’re not breathing, you’re more like surviving, it feels likes you’re constantly suffocating. Which is another sign that anxiety isn’t from God, but rather the enemy, God gives life, (He gave the breath of life!) the enemy is constantly trying to impose death, and trying to steal our breath away. In conclusion, God is good always, He is faithful regardless, and He is kind beyond necessity. I’m going to be okay, I don’t want pity or sympathy, I simply wanted to share what I felt a lot others could relate to.
I attached the link to a video my best friend, Nathan created to show about anxiety when he was dealing with it himself. The video impacted me so deeply I wanted to share it here. https://vimeo.com/185184458
Through all of this, I have consistently seen the faithful hand of God in each situation. He is always ever so gentle and reminding me that He is always with me, always. Regardless of what I feel, He is good, He is faithful, and He truly never leaves my side. Not too long ago, I felt myself begin to have a panic attack, I ran to the kitchen, got some water and began to pray over myself. I felt God’s presence so strong, and the anxiety attack disappear. I’m saying all this to say, that things like anxiety, stress, fear, etc are all very, very real things that I think we can sometimes discredit or try to downplay. As believers, it can be hard for us to admit we struggle with these things, it can even be shameful if we admit we are struggling. I want to just publically be transparent, open and honest and say, it’s real, and it’s okay to not be okay. God doesn’t expect perfection from us, He just wants us to be real and honest about what is going on. It was when I stopped trying to act like I didn’t need His help and admitted my extreme anxiety and fear to Him that I finally felt His peace sweep over me for the first time in weeks. God knows what you’re dealing with, He isn’t ashamed of you for not trusting Him, He understands we’re human, we deal with fear. Awhile ago I was praying and basically told God, “this is my mess, I’m going to get myself out of it”. To which I felt Him reply, “Karissa, I walk through your hell WITH you, I don’t say “good luck, I’ll be here when you get out”, instead, I grab your hand and say “let’s go!” we’re in a relationship, I’m in this WITH you”. Every moment I feel anxiety and fear trying to terrorize me, I have to remind myself of His words, and His truth. I know that God isn’t “allowing” this to happen, but it happens because we live in a fallen world, and the choices made by me, and/or other people can affect us in a positive or negative way. let me be clear with this, my anxiety, stress and fear is NOT God’s fault, nor is He by any means “allowing” it to happen. He can however, turn any situation and use it for His good. It’s important to not mistaken His goodness for “allowing” something to happen. By no means am I through this battle of anxiety, in fact, this morning when I woke up I felt it. But, I know that because God is with me, I have victory in my veins and this will not conquer me. I often have to pep talk myself throughout the day, and give myself the advice I frequently give to those I talk to on the crisis hotline I work for, and that is “Everything’s going to be okay, maybe not right now, maybe not tomorrow or next week, but in time, everything’s going to be okay” and just breathe. It’s funny how when you deal with anxiety, you don’t really realize that you’re not breathing, you’re more like surviving, it feels likes you’re constantly suffocating. Which is another sign that anxiety isn’t from God, but rather the enemy, God gives life, (He gave the breath of life!) the enemy is constantly trying to impose death, and trying to steal our breath away. In conclusion, God is good always, He is faithful regardless, and He is kind beyond necessity. I’m going to be okay, I don’t want pity or sympathy, I simply wanted to share what I felt a lot others could relate to.
I attached the link to a video my best friend, Nathan created to show about anxiety when he was dealing with it himself. The video impacted me so deeply I wanted to share it here. https://vimeo.com/185184458
Thanks for being so honest and real with where you are at right now. Last winter & spring when I was struggling with anxiety I hid it from everyone thinking something was wrong with me. After meeting the Lord and discovering His goodness this summer everything changed and He showed me and continues to show me that He was right there in every moment. He had me then and He has me now.
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